Hopefully most of us will never have to use our Bug Out Bags, although we’re sure some of you secretly prey for a Fukushima, just for the chance to field test your carefully selected gear. Realistically a Bug Out Bag is more likely to see action due to conditions imposed by your fellow man than Mother Nature, as the experience of a certain ex-Iraqi dictator shows.
Colonel Gaddafi is the latest tin pot president to be deposed of and is on the run, location unknown. We cannot be for certain what items he’s packed in his, no doubt ornate, Bug Out Back but here are nine items that no self respecting ex-megalomaniac should be without. In combination they provide those seven essential that every good
Bug Out Bag
should, Water, Food, Shelter, Warmth, Clothing Protection and Barter.
1. Bedouin Water Bottle
Nothing is more essential to your survival that good old H20, the human body is, in essence, a collection a water balloon’s surrounding a calcium stick skeleton. Barring assistance that is magical or divine, to go even one day without water means rapid deterioration. Even Gaddafi is no exception to this rule and it is one he should be especially mindful of given the lack of fresh water sources amongst the Libyan sands. What better to carry this most precious of fluids in than a traditionally styled Bedouin Water Bottle.
2. TT 30 Pistol
Union? First off Gaddafi sent many millions of petrodollars to the Russians during the 1970’ and 80’s, as such 90% of Libya’s military hardware is of Soviet origin. Finding spares or ammunition for this side arm, an unlikely necessity for this weapon considering its AK-47/T55 level of robustness, is going to present less of a problem. It’s also manufactured indigenously next door in Egypt. Gaddafi should exercise caution when handling this little beauty though; it features, in typical soviet style, no safety catch.
3. Lebrak (Stuffed Vine Leaves)
Food, like water, is an undeniably essential part of any Bug Out Bag. Some of the most popular foods for conventional Bug Out Bags include energy bars and packets of freeze dried astronaut food. We imagine that high quality items like this are a little thin on the ground in Libya. As such Gaddafi will most likely have plumed for a local alternative such as Lebrak (Stuffed Vine Leaves).
Stuffed with mixture rice, tomato pure, spices, garlic, some salt, small pieces of lamb and herbs, they are a portable well rounded food, which can remain fresh for nearly a week if packaged properly. They are easy to eat on the move and sure to provide for all of your body’s essential needs. Delicious.
3. Jilbāb & Niqāb (Also known as Burka)
Gaddafi’s political colors changed many time during his rule, first he was Pan-Arab, however he was shunned by other, saner, Arab leaders and became a proponent Pan-Africanism. After 9/11 he transformed himself from a snazzily dressed thorn in the side of the west to one of the most ardent supporters on the war on terror. However, one aspect of Muammar’s belief system has remained unchanged through out his life though: his dedication to Islam.
Whatever ones feeling about that faith born in the desert one fact is undeniable, the clothing worn by its more fanatical female adherents makes not only for a perfect disguise but is perfect for traveling in the desert. It combines two elements essential to any item included in a Bug Out Bag, Clothing and Protection.
What better way for Muammar to preserve his life, show dedication to the prophet and make a striking fashion statement
4. Central American Bearer Bonds
Having a one million dollar bounty upon one’s head presents a problem which has not been encountered by even the most hardened of survival enthusiasts. Most of the time you can generally rely on your fellow man to render some kind of assistance, even if it comes at a price. Unfortunately for Gaddafi at the moment he is a walking winning number lotto ticket. This essentially leaves him with one option; he must be able to outbid any offer made for death. Being able to do this and remain mobile represents an interesting challenge.
A million dollars in $100 notes weighs in at about a ton, a million in gold is a hefty twenty kilograms (44 pounds) and even if you loaded up on 10 carat I.F. (Internally Flawless) diamonds you’d still need at least 30 of the stones and how are you to prove to those in hot headed pursuit that the rocks are real? The only real answer is Bearer Bonds, pieces of paper whose ownership is determined by who hand they are in, completely untraceable and anonymous. The U.S. issued these bad boys in denominations of up to $10,000 but ceased to do so in 1987 due to concerns of money laundering. In Central America, however, they are the usual method for issuing cooperate and government debt, allowing our cowardly Colonel to carry tens of millions for just a few grams of weight.
It’s important when on the run not only to pack items that not only ensure ones physical but also psychological safety. Gaddafi is famous for his vast array of costumes and uniforms, often worn, inappropriately some might say, to international political meetings where a sober, yet exclusive, tailor made suit is usually the norm. Obviously unable to pack even 1% of his huge wardrobe into his Bug Out Bag we’re sure he’s made space for a certain umbrella that he seemed to be very attached to, furthermore when combined with his traditional Islamic dress it can be used as a small but serviceable tent.
6. Personal Cosmetics
It seems that a lot of powerful men go to great lengths to ensure that they remain handsome and project an image of vitality as their age increases. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconni was one of the first European leaders to normalize relations with Libya, he’s also had a hair transplant and plastic surgery around the eyes, similarly France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy, perhaps the most eager of all the European politicians pushing for Gaddafi’s dethronement, is not above wearing heals to compensate for his small stature.
Gaddafi is no different to these other world leaders, his hair is regularly dyed so as to remain jet black and rumors circulate that he flew a Brazilian plastic surgeon to his bunker in Tripoli to perform hair transplants and a facial fat injections. The Bug Out Bag is all about protection, and what could be more important to Gaddafi than his own self image? Thus within Muammar’s Bug Out Bag we’re sure you’ll find a small personal grooming kit containing some high quality foundation and concealer.
7. Smart Phone & Solar Charger
One of the problems with the current crop of smart phones is that although they offer far greater functionality than the older models they consume power at a far greater rate. Even the Motorola Droid X, one of the longest lived cell phones, will last just under eight hours, hardly sufficient when one could be one the run for days. Who knows when it’ll be time to make that life saving call to your Zimbabwean mercenaries or use Google maps to find the nearest oasis.
Thankfully Libya, although deficient in many resources does not lack for that oldest and purest of energy sources; Sunlight. Today’s photovoltaic chargers are small and light affairs not much bigger than the phones themselves. With this hi-tech survival item in his Bug Out Bag Muammar can ensure he never misses that call telling him it’s safe to return to Tripoli.
8. A very large knife.
If, god forbid, you ever find yourself in a situation similar to Gaddafi’s i.e. on the run, your elite legion of female bodyguards having deserted you and with entire tribes of desert dwelling nomads on your tail, we’d wager that one element of your Bug Out Bag will reign paramount over the others: protection.
Having a firearm is all well and good but there are certain situations which require a blade, the skinning of a camel for example or trimming ones toe nails. Gaddafi is lucky in this respect. In 2009, whilst on an official state visit to Venezuela, President Hugo Chavez presented Muammar with a sword that was an accurate replica of the one possessed by the liberator of South America Simon Bolivar. Consequently not only does the exiled Colonel posses a weapon befitting his rank and status he can, as a last resort, use it as a bribe, a tactic that has served him well throughout his time as one of the Mediterranean’s maddest rulers.
Bug Out Bag